An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just had sex on a roof
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
