I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
