I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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