why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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