Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
