I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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