my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
