Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
