Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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