3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
