I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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