$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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