She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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