my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
