Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
