All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
