Well apparently he's into motor boating.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
