do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
