"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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