Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
