So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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