sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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