there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
