"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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