Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
