Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
