I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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