I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think my moral compass just broke
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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