you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
