oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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