; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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