census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
