You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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