Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
