Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
