I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
