then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
