How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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