Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
