so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
