i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
