There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
