god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
