just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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