I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
