There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
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