You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
