I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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