lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
