i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
