jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
