so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
