All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
