There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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